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My daughter recently had a school project enforcing upon her to do household chores for one whole day. A suitable opportunity to address the complex issue of how to get the children to contribute more in the household. Even though this day of washing and cleaning on her part is a positive contribution, it’s hardly a long term solution. I mean, how often can we expect gift packages like this from the school? Most families I know struggle with the issue of getting the kids to participate in the household chores. Even though this subject is not in my area of expertise (I’m hoping for plenty of tips and reflections in the comment section) I am a parent who have been struggling with this issue for a few years. |
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have tried quite a few different approaches; threats, rewards, sweet-talking, shouting, and, last but not least, just letting it slide; so far with meagre results. However, we recently started a new system for keeping track of their contributions and translating it into their allowance.
The system was actually inspired by the kids’ insistent requests for money for this and that several times a week (does it sound familiar?). We eventually got sick and tired of deciding whether their requests were reasonable or not, and with this system the kids decide for themselves how much money they get. In this regard it kind of solves two problems.
It looks very promising so far. It combines a few of the elements I’ve come to believe are necessary to get results in this department.
1. Make it simple
A system suitable for children of different ages needs to be well thought out and easy to understand.
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We have made a list of chores they can choose from (vertical) and a timeline (horizontal) which is subdivided with their names. How much each chore pays is given in advance (in the purple column) and when they‘ve done something, they check it off in the column with their name on it.
Each week we add up their marks, and voila – there is their allowance! They can cash it in whenever they want to go to the movies or go shopping with a friend (but not to buy candy). We keep track of how much is due to them on the same sheet of paper. |
Now we happily give them their money according to what they have earned, fair and square. If they haven’t earned anything we just point at the list, and the point is taken – sometimes they even run off to do some cleaning and tidying (instead of nagging about it). I figure this is a good way to learn about the value of money and the freedom that goes with it.
2. Make it worth their while
The size of their allowance corresponds to how much they chose to contribute. We recently gave up our cleaning help, who used to come every other week to wash our house, and some of the money we used to spend on her now goes to the kids – if they want it.
3. Make it just
The big ones can easily earn more than the little ones, if they put in the effort. This is partly regulated by the nature of the chores and what they’re valued at. The list is not random. We’ve made sure there is something that everyone are either capable of doing, like to do, or at least “don’t hate doing” (except the three year old, who don’t understand any of this yet).
- Clean their room and do all their homework – if they do this the whole week through they get a mark
- Pick up their little sister at daycare – which is suitable for the big ones
- Babysit their siblings when we’re out – suitable for the big ones
- Tidy up the house – one mark per 20 minutes, suitable for everyone
- Vacuum clean – the nine year old likes this one
- Wash the house – suitable for the big ones
- Do the kitchen – two marks for making it sparkle, the 14 year old is good at this
- Do the laundry – one mark per machine, including hanging the clothes to dry
- Put clean clothes in the right cupboards
- Tidy up the shoes in the entrance area – the nearly seven year old is good at this one
- Make dinner or help with it – one or two marks according to what they make
- Anything else we agree upon
4. Make it fun
A little competition is always fun. Everyone running around collecting marks with some rowdy music on the player – that is my idea of a fun Friday afternoon.
Also it is good for the morale that the grown ups chip in and do their part when the children are doing their bit – and it is more fun to do it together.
5. Make them feel they’re pulling their weight
More importantly, this system is all about giving the children responsibility and independence. If they chose to leave all of the work to others, then they might get disappointed when it comes to pay-time. But the idea behind this is to give everybody the freedom of choice. For instance the one who hates washing and cleaning, can still contribute by watching the little one or make a simple meal for everyone. Chipping in gives a feeling of doing their bit. Instead of us grown ups nagging over their lack of contribution, the focus is primarily on what they actually accomplish!
Love it! I give my kids a base allowance, plus increases depending on the amount of chores they do. It’s not quite so well organized as yours, though, and now I’m inspired. Thanks!
That’s nice, Janene!
Yes, those are some great points. My son knows that with every birthday, there is more responsibilities and privileges. He feels like a big boy as he gets too stay up later, and yet has a new chore to complete. We also give allowance, but we teach him that chores are apart of contributing to the family and learning how to take care of yourself. The allowance is more for teaching him money management. NIce post
Hi Jeannine. Sounds like you’ve got a system that works well for all of you. Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Nicone!
I like your 5 points! Yes, I think it benefits the whole family to make it simple and fun for the kids, and setting a good example as a parent. And of course, doing things together with the kids is rewarding all by itself!
Love your Friday Fun description!
I hope your new system will work well for your family, and I wish you the best of luck!
Learning how to deal with money is a life skill, and allowance; money kids can call their own and decide over, is one way of teaching them valuable lessons. We give our kids this too. But personally, I am wary of making a link between allowance and house chores. Making their own bed, do their homework, putting clothes, shoes and toys away where they belong, etc. are “chores” I expect any responsible member of a household to do, without expecting personal rewards beyond a sense of accomplishment. To teach them the value of this, we talk about it when they/we do the tasks, and I work on making them understand they can feel good about themselves for being so clever at taking care of their things and contributing so well in the family <3
I've come to this conclusion by looking beyond the typical reward/allowance system and think of the underlying message they would be receiving; getting paid to help keep their own home neat? That doesn't make sense to me. What is the long term consequences of being paid this way as they grow up to become adults? I'd like them to feel happy about their accomplishments and sense their independence when they do their bit, and not as a means to money. If money is their only incentive to do the tasks, then personally I don't think there is any lesson learned worth learning.
But no family is the same, and I guess what we're looking for, is a way to keep a home family friendly without exhausting its members in the process .. whether it's the kids, the parents, or both ..
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It's interesting to read the different ways families around the world have solved this issue. Thank you for sharing yours, Nicone
so hard to make kids do home chores. these tips must be really helpful! thanks for sharing! great post!
K – I see your point, and the link between chores and allowance wasn’t made lightly. (Maybe more like the last resort…) If you can get your kids to contribute their bit without linking it to their allowance that’s great. Good for you. Like you said, no family is the same. Thank you for sharing your views!
Latifa – Glad you liked it!