Housing challenges of large Dynamic families – from the parent perspective

If you find yourself with an over average sized family as your responsibility, it probably didn’t just happen overnight. It takes time to establish such a family, but that does not mean you’re prepared to handle the specific sets of challenges you are facing.

Your family doesn’t fit into the A4 format, and neither do your housing needs. I suspect most Dynamic Family parents are somewhat unprepared when it comes to the housing challenges of their evolving family (I know I was). Being in charge of a big family you have to consider the needs of everybody. As is true about most things in life, thankfully, you learn what you need to know along the way.

Privacy
If you’re lucky then every family member are natural team players who enjoy being surrounded by other people 24/7. No quarrels, no pouting, and no sourpuss (do these families even exist…?)!

Otherwise you’d better find out how to provide some personal space for everyone – a quiet corner somewhere to retreat and recharge in peace. The children need somewhere to do their homework and the grown-ups need a place to work or read a book in peace. Depending on the size of your home it might have to be timeshare solutions, which will require some adaptability and structure. Perhaps a good solution is to divide the day into quiet and noisy periods? This might be something of a challenge if you have toddlers in your household, but keep in mind that these things change fast. The hardships and joys you face today will be replaced with something different by tomorrow.

Some tips on how the issue of private and semi-private space might be solved:

1. It is a good idea to locate the noisy play areas in one end of the house and the quieter areas in the opposite end. Occasionally I send my kids to play in the family room in the basement when they get too loud for my weary ears.
2. Sound proofing – Are you building a new house, or renovating, make sure to incorporate sound-insulation to the building structure (walls, floor and ceiling). If your kids aren’t extremely well behaved and quiet they frequently make a lot of noise, which could drive some of us insane at times (who d’yah think?). It will not help if the sound bounces off the walls or transmits through to other rooms.
3. Private space – If your home is big enough everyone gets their own private room. However this might not be possible since we’re talking about large families here. In my experience (limited by where I live in the world) there aren’t that many affordable five or more bedroom houses on the market. Therefore two or more siblings often share bedrooms with each other, which is fine, at least until they reach a certain age. For children who share bedrooms a simple drapery in front of their bed can provide a secluded area for them to retreat when needed.
4. Timeshare private space – One comfortable and inviting chair in a quiet corner of the house could elegantly do the trick. Make sure to have good reading light!
5. The garage can also provide a place for personal retreat. If the cars are taken out it is a safe and secluded place for the children to practice on their skateboards, jay boards or roller blades. Or it might, in combination with a tool shed, be a place for working on hobby projects for grownups or children old enough for this kind of work.
6. If you have secret rooms in your house you’re fortunate. My kids use the room where the old attic stairway used to be as a getaway for secret talks, peace negotiations, to spy or just hide from their little sister.
7. If you’re lucky enough to have a garden too, your children might love to create a secret little hut in lee of the bushes, or perhaps even build a tree house in your sturdiest tree. It’s the perfect place to get away from parents and younger siblings.

Size XL

Whether you planned to have a large family or just got dealt this card by providence the fact remains that the housing challenges of your family are size XL as well. This might be debatable if you live in parts of the world with a warm climate, but for the likes of me; living in the Northern hemisphere with about 6 months of winter; you spend a lot of time indoors (dreaming of last year’s vacation) and really need to focus on how to make it livable. Your kitchen or dining table has to have enough seats for everyone and the occasional dinner guest; the counter space, cooking utensils, refrigerator, entrance area, sitting area in front of the television or fireplace – everything needs to be dimensioned to fit the size of your family. This is something that goes on continually as the needs change and the children grow. Key points for success are finding solutions that are flexible and to keep focus on getting well organized. Unfortunately the size of your pay checks might just not be size XL, since you spend a lot of time maintaining your home and family you don’t have time to pursue your career as much as single colleagues. The joy of having a heap of children is priceless which is why you must learn to make the most of what you’ve got.

On the other hand – the size of the mess made by these priceless children (and adults) might very well be size XL – which leads me to the final point on the agenda, namely:

Dynamic household
Initially when you work on establishing your new Dynamic Family Home it is probably a good idea to lower you ambitions for a period of time. There are more important issues at hand than having a sparkling clean and tidy house! I advice you to work with tolerance on this point, and take teeny weeny baby-steps in the beginning.

Secondly, I urge you to create well thought out systems for keeping it clean and tidy. Take one area at a time and get some results before moving on to the next. When you’ve managed to keep the kitchen counter spic and span for at least 30 days (which is minimum for establishing any habit) it is time to move on to the next challenge. Systems for clothes are essential, specifically during the cold season when there are separate items of clothing for cold, dark, wet and windy weather. Multiply that by the number of family members, add the regular clothes, shoes, sports gear, school gear, and what not (you get the picture). A good system enables everyone to put their stuff in the right place and keep the place clean and tidy.

Thirdly, make sure to include all family members! Give everyone responsibilities according to their age; even the little ones can contribute a little. Actually it might even be easier to get the little ones along, so start establishing some ground rules. The teenagers need their allowance, so they should get their duties as well. You all help each other and are rewarded by a nice looking, clean smelling home.

Last of all, and this point goes for all of the above; make it fun! When it comes to the household issues, put on some hefty music, have a contest, hand out rewards, horse around a little with it all.

After all, it really isn’t so darn serious, is it?